Unhurrying with A Rule of Life: Part 3
Silence & Solitude: A Container for Abiding
By Collin Mayjack
Begin with prayer (5 minutes)
Gather together as a Community in a comfortable setting (around a table, on the couch, the floor of a living room, etc.). Have someone lead a prayer asking the Holy Spirit to lead and guide your time together.
Debrief the teaching in triads (5 minutes)
If you are in a Community of seven or more, divide into small groups of 3–4 people each (ideally same gender).
Spend a few minutes catching up on life…
Then talk through the following debrief questions:
Were you able to spend time on the practice last week? (Assessing your current digital rule of life and forming drafting a first draft of your new rule.) If so, how did it go for you? Are there any aspects of your digital rule that you find particularly exciting or challenging?
What stood out to you about this week’s teaching?
What does your current rule for silence & solitude look like? How are you hoping to grow in this area going forward?
Read this overview
The lifeblood of almost any vibrant relationship consists of two parts: time and undivided attention. Whether it is a friendship, a marriage, a parent relationship, or a relationship with a coworker, it is virtually impossible for a relationship to thrive if there is not room for consistent, uninterrupted time together.
This is why, for many of us, friendships are easier to keep when we’re young and have few obligations. But as we get older, many of us recognize the need for relationship structures, or a set of commitments we make to keep our most important relationships alive: a weekly date night, a standing phone call with a friend, a weekly meal with your Community, quarterly getaways, or an annual family vacation.
And yet, so few of us apply this same logic to our relationship with Jesus.
Henri Nouwen once wrote, “Without solitude it is virtually impossible to live a spiritual life… We do not take the spiritual life seriously if we do not set aside some time to be with God and listen to him.” Alone time and undivided attention. Or, as followers of Jesus have historically called it, silence and solitude.
Silence and solitude are arguably the most important of the spiritual disciplines because they create space for every other discipline to flourish. They are like a “container” for the whole of our relationship to God.
If we are going to keep relationship with God alive, or in the words of Jesus, if we are going to “abide” in him (John 15), it will take the same kind of effort we put into all of our healthiest relationships. As a Community, we’ll spend some time this week examining our current practices for abiding and revisiting the container for each of those practices, silence and solitude.
Rule of Life Workbook
In the Rule of Life Workbook, you will develop a Rule of Life for Abiding that will become your personal paradigm for embracing a life of deep, abiding relationship with Jesus.
Remember, though your Rule may read like a list of personal rules, it is more so a means of clarifying and articulating your values and purposefully integrating them into your schedule and lifestyle. It’s one thing to say you want to spend more time in silence and solitude, it’s another to establish rhythms for when and where you’ll spend time alone with Jesus.
Note: Like the entirety of your Rule of Life, your rule for abiding will be unique to you, and much of the specifics subjective.
Do this Practice as a Community right now (15–20 minutes)
Begin by practicing silence. Set a timer and spend anywhere from 2–5 minutes in complete silence as a Community.
Then, open the workbook, and turn to the Abiding category.
In triads, talk through the following questions. Document your answers and ideas in your workbook or journal as you unpack them.
How do you respond to time alone? What about silence?
What does the rhythm for silence and solitude look like in your life right now, if you have one? What gets in the way of that rhythm?
What other practices have you adopted, presently or in the past, to facilitate life with God? Which were “upstream” (challenging, but good for you) and which were “downstream” (easy for you and your personality)?
What practices for abiding would you like to add into your life, cut out of your life, or change?
Discuss the coming week’s Practice (5 minutes)
The Practice for this week is two fold: 1) to spend some time in silence and solitude, and 2) to begin filling out the Abiding section of your Rule of Life. Remember, your Rule of Life will be a work in progress, and you will likely adapt it more than once along the way.
This week, take time to do the following:
Identify a time and place that works for you to spend time alone with God. Figure out what works best practically, set a modest goal, and stick to it.
Evaluate the habits that make up your time with God: Which habits are helpful for you (e.g. morning prayer, fasting, daily office)? What gets in the way of those habits?
In the Abiding section of your Rule of Life, begin outlining what will become your rule for abiding. Be as specific as you can and strive for reasonable goals (e.g., If you aren’t praying much now, something like “spend more time praying” is vague and ambiguous, but “spend 10 minutes in silence and solitude each morning” is clear and quantifiable).
Here are some ideas to consider, adapt, or inspire:
Find a specific location and time for daily time in abiding. Think about the details, such as time of day, when you have your coffee, and distractions you might bump into.
Add five minutes of silence to your daily time in prayer.
Find a liturgy or psalm that you pray every day.
Adopt a simple Bible reading plan.
Begin practicing the daily office or examen.
Take a weekly sabbath.
Pick a day of the week (or of the month) to practice fasting with a few people from your Community.
Instead of NPR or Taylor Swift, fill your commute to work with silence or worship music.
Pick a day of the week to spend 15–60 minutes in nature alone with God.
If you’re experienced in silence and solitude, begin planning a retreat day or weekend.
Work through these discussion questions before you call it a night (5–10 minutes)
In the spirit of starting small, what is one small change you want to make in the week ahead?
What are you looking forward to about practicing silence and solitude? What are you nervous about?
How might your Rule of Life for abiding look different in your current stage of life than in previous stages of life?
Close in prayer (5 minutes)
